Kat Out of Hell
by aliccolo
Summary: Mia's friend from high school makes an unexpected visit and, well, all hell breaks loose. Very funny! R&R please!!
1. A Mysterious Phone Call

Disclaimer~ I do not own anything of any value, including YST/RW. Please DO NOT sue me! Thanks!  
  
Summary~ When Mia's old friend from school shows up, all hell breaks loose!  
  
CHAPTER 1: A Mysterious Phone Call  
  
"It was a dark and stormy night. The air hung heavy as if someone were pinning your chest with dumb bells. In an effort to cough, I strained from the balls of my feet to the cavities of my ears. A noise erupted, not unlike the mating call of some forlorn uh, uh, something. From my ears shot forth the largest piece of something unidentifiable I had ever seen. It was huge and disgusting, yet interesting. It motivated me to contemplate just how in the world it got there in the first place. It was shiny and it sparkled like the gleam of a toenail in the sun. Then a man appeared out of the woods and said, 'Ew! What's that? Where'd that come from?' "  
  
Four sets of tired eyes looked up at the T.V. No one had been watching it for quite some time. A man was sitting in a tent in the woods with a flash light shining into his eyes. A shadow was moving around the tent. The man went into detail of the space ship that was launched from his ears. Out of the blue, a giant blob of black goo jumped through the tent and ate the frightened man and his screaming entourage. The blob looked at the camera and gave a evil "hoo ha ha!" and disappeared.   
  
"Eek!" a figure jumped off the floor and onto Rowen's lap.  
  
Three sets of tired eyes looked at the owner of the voice. Cye just gave them a faint smile and looked at his feet. Kento's snoring got louder and louder. Ryo shook his head. Rowen turned back to the movie. Sage frowned and headed for bed.  
  
"Hey, someone get the T.V. guide!" Rowen demanded. "I wanna see what this movie is called!"  
  
"You actually care about this crap?" Ryo laughed, "I was probably made in the 70's." He searched for the holy book. "A-ha! It's called "Attack of the Alien Swamp Mongrels!" starring Fred Module and Esperanza Guadalupe Rosita Conchita Merendz-Salem. "An alien space pod attacks a group of students who are camping in the woods. It's over in ten minutes."  
  
RING! RING! RI-!  
  
"Hullo?" Cye reached over and fumbled with the phone.  
  
"Hey. Is Mia there?" a voice replied. The voice was a soothing, deep, sultry voice. It was foreign. European of some sort. Maybe Swedish or Spanish, or a mix of both.Definitely female though. She seemed to be drunk or something.  
  
"Yeah, hold on." Cye dropped the phone a stumbled upstairs to Mia's tiny bed room. He switched on the lights and shook Mia until she was awake and functioning. "Phone for you." he yawned as he tripped down the stairs and sat on Rowen's lap.  
  
Mia, who was understandably upset, growled, put on her glasses and housecoat and went to the nearest phone. It was 4 am. Who would be calling Mia at 4 am?  
  
"Mia here. May I ask who's calling?"  
  
The voice gave a quick giggle, "Hey, Mia. It's me, Kat. From high school. Kat Sakai. Remember me?"  
  
Mia searched through memory until she recalled the owner of the voice. A tall, slightly mousy girl. She was pretty and really thin. Kat loved photography and had introduced Mia to it. She and Mia had been good friends in school. And Kat was always offering to help Mia. "Of course, Kat! I'd know you anywhere. Is there something you need?"  
  
The voice was silent for a moment, "Well, Mia, see, uh . . . I just got out of re-hab, and uh, I need a place to hang until I get a job. So, I was thinking . . . uh, can I-"  
  
"Of course you can stay with me! Oh, Kat, it'd be an honor! You can help me with the boys!" Mia jumped up and down. Another woman around the house would be of great help.  
  
"Oh, are ya sure, Mia? Merci, Mia! Thanks a bunch! I'm just in to Tokyo now, so I'll be over sometime this afternoon! Aur'voi!"  
  
"Okay, see you then!"  
  
CLICK.  
  
Mia slammed down the receiver, "YES!! Another girl around the house!" she crept down the stairs silently and as she got behind the couch, she shouted, "MAYBE SHE CAN GET YOU TO LISTEN TO ME!"  
  
Three boys jumped and one continued to snore. Mia then received three dirty looks and a shush. Cye, Rowen and Ryo returned to the television. The T.V. flashed a bright light.  
  
"What is that light?" a frightened woman gasped.  
  
"Why, it's Flash Gordon!" a man comforted her.  
  
"Sheesh. Get to bed, boys. We have a big day tomorrow." 


	2. Let's Ge Tidy, Shall We

CHAPTER 2: Let's Get Tidy, Shall We?  
  
It was nearly 10 when Mia awoke. The sunlight poured through her window, illuminating the whole room. Mia rubbed her eyes and smiled. Today she would shop. Or go to the beach. Or- wait a second . . . Kat was to arrive today.  
  
Mia made a small eep and put on her best sun dress. She brushed her chestnut hair and put on a yellow head band. Her room and the entire upstairs of the house was immediately straightened up.   
  
When the upstairs was satisfyingly tidy, she made her way to the living room. The first thing she saw was Kento, clad in the same Budweiser frog tee shirt and loud green and pink swim trunks as the night before. He was seated very close to the T.V., apparently watching his beloved Digimon.  
  
Trying her best to ignore the hideous sight before her, Mia hurried to the kitchen. There she found Sage, Ryo, and Cye. Ryo stared at a bowl of soggy Cheerios. Sage was reading the newspaper. Cye was going through the fridge. He pulled out a large tuper ware. Opening the lid turned out to be a bad idea. A terrible smell was released.  
  
"Oh my God! What is this?" Cye peered at the strange blue and green glob. It was runny, stinky and moldy.   
  
Mia frowned in disgust, "Remember how Rowen insisted on saving his birthday cake? Well that's it. Throw it away, please!"  
  
Cye squeaked and promptly disposed of the horrifying discovery. Unfortunately, Rowen's birthday was two weeks away, so the cake must have been sitting in there for nearly a year.   
  
Mia poured herself a cup of tea and sat down in an empty chair. She took note of the activities around her. Ryo barely looked up from his cereal and Sage didn't even flinch. Cye continued on his quest to find something edible in the refrigerator.  
  
She scooped the cereal out of Ryo's reach. Mia pulled the newspaper out of Sage's grip and smiled, "A-hem. Now that I have your full attention, I'd like to make an announcement. My friend from high school, Kat, is going to be staying with us for a bit. At least until she gets her life back on track. She'll be here sometime this afternoon. You boys need to get dressed and clean up the house. And wake up Rowen, he's been sleeping in way too much lately."  
  
Mia stood up to leave, "Oh, and another thing. One of you boys will have to give up your bedroom while Kat is here. You'll have it back in awhile. Volunteers?"  
  
"I'll do it.", Sage frowned. He then smiled. Maybe he'd get to stay in Ryo's room. Sage snickered.  
  
Mia gave him a disturbed look. "Good! Thanks, Sage. Now hurry along and get ready, we wouldn't want to be looking like a butt load of freaks." 


	3. The Arrival of Kat

CHAPTER 3: The Arrival of Kat  
  
Mia paced around the living room. The house, after nearly 4 hours of complaining, was completely spotless. She had made sure everything was neat and perfect. Even the boys had passed her test. Except for Rowen.   
  
He had emerged from the room he shared with Cye a half hour earlier, wearing his boxers, a Jurassic Park sweatshirt and nothing else. Seeing how Rowen was totally unprepared for the expected guest, Mia attacked him with her granny's antique candlestick and threatened to make him "push up daisies".   
  
She had chased him all over the house until Ryo and Cye stepped in and restrained Mia. Rowen huffed up stairs to quickly put some clothes on. In fact, Rowen had just appeared at the top of the stairs when the door bell rang.  
  
DING-DONG!  
  
Mia jumped a mile into the air, for the bell had frightened her. "Oh! It's her! Out of my way. Sit on the sofas, you! Look as pleasant as you can!" Mia threw open the door, "Ka . . .t?" Mia had not expected this. Oh, no, not at all . . .  
  
"Mia, amour! Hee hee!" a tall, infectionous, bleached blonde woman smiled at Mia and giggled. She had obvious silicone breasts and a fake, orangy tan. Her glassy cerulean eyes were framed with big dark lashes, drenched in sticky mascara. Her salmon pink lips were surgically bee stung. She wore a pastel pink cowboy hat with matching mini skirt, tube top, and go-go boots. A fake mink was draped elegantly around her shoulders. The woman dropped her bags and hugged Mia.  
  
"Kat?! . . . Oh-"  
  
Kat smiled, "I know, I look a lot different from high school, thank God! Well, Vanessa, Sugar Baby and I are here!"  
  
Mia stared in wonder. No way. Not even a slight resemblance to the Kat Sakai she knew. It took her a moment to recompose herself. "Pardon me for asking, but what are Vanessa and Sugar Baby?"  
  
Kat, who was still standing in the doorway stepped aside. A small brunette little girl was standing behind her, holding an extremely ugly little dog. "Hee hee, why, since you mentioned the boys, I figured they and Vanessa, that's my daughter, could play together. And Sugar is my puppy baby! Yes you are!" she paused to tickle the puppy. "Now, how old are the boys? Whose their father? Do I know him?"  
  
Mia gasped, "You have a child?! Kat! You never mentioned that! Or a dog!! Wha . . . what made you bring them?"  
  
"You mentioned the boys, so I figured . . . you had kids . . ."  
  
"WHAT!!!!???? No, no, no, Katrina, darling, the boys are my room mates. We can't possibly . . . oh lord! Just, please, come in, won't you."  
  
Kat flashed a winning grin, "Thanks! Vanessa, come here, sweets!"  
  
Vanessa dumped the dog on the floor and buried her face in her mother. Kat scrambled after Mia into the living room, where five miserable looking boys sat. She shoved Vanessa from her legs and smiled again.  
  
"Mom?" Rowen said in disbelief. His dear mother, Ms. Hashiba was going through another "hair-bleach-and-plastic-surgery" stage.   
  
Kat's face went blank, "Escuse` moi? Mamon? No, I am not your mother. I am Katrina Sakai. Daughter of the French cosmetics executive Belle Marie la Moire and Japanese business man Takeshi Sakai. I have but one child, Vanessa Midori Sakai. And who might you fine young men be?"  
  
Each of the terribly annoyed boys introduced themselves. After they did, Kat burst into giggles, "Enchante! Ha ha ha ha!! Gomen, everyone."  
  
The very uncomfortable Mia then showed Kat, Vanessa and Sugar Baby to Sage's nearly empty bed room. Vanessa and Sugar fell asleep on the tiny futon in the middle of the room. Mia and Kat exited the room and returned down stairs.  
  
As they did, the phone rang. 


	4. Sticks and Stones

CHAPTER 4: Sticks and Stones . . .  
  
"Hullo? Oh, Mummy!" Cye answered excitedly. "Yes, Mum, everything is just fine. Yes . . . okay, alright . . . you do? . . . yes, yes . . .I'll ask, here, hold on a moment, Mum." he put the phone down for a moment, "Mummy and Auntie want us to come over for dinner tomorrow. Does everyone want to come?" Cye didn't wait for an answer, "Yes, Mummy, we're all coming. Yes all the boys, and Mia . . . and Mia's house guest, Katrina. Yes . . . no Mummy, I don't think Kat and Mia are lovers. Yes Mum. Yes Mum. Yes Mum, I'll say hullo to them all for you. Yep. Ok, ciao Mummy! I love you!!" CLICK.  
  
Cye sat down at the table with a happy look on his face. He imagined how perfect his mother's dinner would be and how much fun everyone would have. It took him several moments to recover. Needless to say he received a few dirty looks from the other inhabitants of the house.   
  
The rest of the evening seemed to pass without incident. Well, or not. It turned out Kat was on a strict vegetarian diet and she would only eat plants that died of natural causes. Unfortunately, her first meal with the group was roasted lamb. Vanessa had never used a fork before and made quite a mess. Kat insisted that Sugar Baby be allowed to sit at the table. Kat also insisted that she be served red wine with her "salad". Sadly, Mia had just installed a white carpet in the dining room and several members of the party were totally uncoordinated. Mia spent three hours trying to wash out the stains form the carpets.   
  
"I don't think it's working. . .hee hee . . ."  
  
Mia looked up, trying not to glare, "Thanks for stating the obvious Kat."  
  
"No problem . . . hee hee. So, where's a good place for Sugar Baby to sleep? My little muffin love needs his own bed . . ."  
  
Mia sighed, irritated. "Listen Kat, I didn't know you had a dog and I happen to be allergic to them. If you'll notice, my eyes are nearly swollen shut from your little "Angel cupcake" shedding and drooling all over the place. Sugar Baby is sleeping outside."  
  
Kat stared in horror, "OUTSIDE?! Mia, you kid me, no?! You are my best friend Mia!! Sugar Baby is like my child!! You would not send a child out in the cold, Mia!! Not my poor Sugar!! No Mia!! You kid me, please!!"  
  
"No Kat. I kid you not. Either that or he sleeps with Whiteblaze. Your choice."  
  
The expression on Kat's face was one of confusion. It had happened upon her face many times that evening. She looked at Mia with that blank expression. "What is this Whiteblaze thing?"  
  
"A tiger."  
  
"Eeeeeekkkk!!!! In the house?!" Kat started to wobble.  
  
Mia looked at Kat, her face growing hot with rage, "Yes, in the house. He's Ryo's pet. Now, Kat, please, just let me clean the carpet in peace!!!"  
  
Kat blinked several times before catching Mia's "subtle" hint. "Oh . . . you want me to go away?"  
  
"Yes, just, go watch Teletubbies or something . . . .PLEASE!!!"  
  
"Ok." Kat said is her vague way and wandered out to the living room where Ryo and Rowen were battling eachother at Pokemon Stadium. Kento was just as enthralled, watching from the couch. "What is this we are playing?"  
  
"Pokemon," Kento said from the sofa. "It's like the best game since Tomb Raider. We beat that in like, three hours though."  
  
All of this went right past Kat. Wandered the house further. She found a beaker circuit system on one of the walls in the hallway. She decided to push a few random buttons. Suddenly, the entire house went black. Someone screamed and a thump was heard. A similar scream was herd from the bathroom and a similar thump soon followed.  
  
"Noooooooo!" Ryo's voice carried through the house.  
  
"I didn't do it!" Rowen called at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Oohhhhh....." a moaning sound came from the bottom of the stairs. "My leg! Help! I think my leg is broken!"  
  
A few moments passed in the dark. "Someone help me!" It was Sage.  
  
Scampers were heard and several smaller thumps were audible. "My eyes! I'm blind!"  
  
Cye burst from the upstairs bathroom, running blindly. He tripped over the rug at the top of the stairs and soon went crashing onto Sage below.   
  
It was a cacophony of painful yelping for the next 45 minutes, when the ambulence arrived and carted Sage and Cye to the nearest hospital. An electrician arrived about ten minutes later and solved the power problem for only $5.   
  
It was nearly midnight before everyone was home again. Sage had been right, his ankle was broken. Cye suffered temporary blindness while he was shampooing in the shower. After flushing his eyes, his vision was restored. His wrist, however, was another story. He'd dislocated it somehow during his fall.   
  
With Sage and Cye knocked out by the prescription painkillers, the house had a spooky aura about it. Mia was extremely tired, as was everyone else, so, it was decided that the power outage issue would be discussed the next morning. 


End file.
